DKT-B

Ha!
I called and you sneered
But boo! Who won this here?

I may have prayed to Jesus a few times
So damn desperate I forgot I haven't read a verse in a while
I may have sobbed and wailed and bitten my lower lip in utter fear

But I stood like black
I did not crack.
Booooo! Who won this here?!

Precious

It'd cost a sorry
One I'm not willing to give
Lower my lids
Bow my head

I just couldn't
So I took the hit.

2012 and I

No whistles no bells, no fireworks, no hails

You walked in quietly

I wish you hadnt

That wasn't how we planned it

You promised to come out banging!

Honking, dancing with fireworks and stuff

You fall my hand

But it was a lesson. 

I know now, not to expect till delivery

But in January, I worked hard and sowed some seeds

On my birthday you dealt me one hell of a funky blow

Knocked me out totally

I swore I couldn't do this

Whatever it'll take. Whatever way I could, 

I knew you had to get going

February came slowly

Life became mundane

I quickly learnt to look forward to better days

Humbled by chances

Fresh out of pride

I took it, with no other choice but to

March came and I got some wind

That was a month of upheaval

Anger. Regret. Rage. 

Praise and regaining self love.

I wanted to kill a bitch

But jail scared me

I hear they have troubled women there

That shit humbled me quick

No worse place to be than in a jail cell

Locked up with rage itself

Besides, I got a hopeful mail

A new lease on career ;)

I figured I'd take this chance to get back to what I do best;

Daring myself.

I left a mess behind. 

September met my pink highlighter

April brought some fresh rain

The soil got some water

I smelled some roots

I knew flowers were coming my way in May

I cried and smiled and traveled to see the sun

After four years, I get a piece of tree

It'll say my name on it, and it'll claim that I did it

May-be I was silly to think I can

But believe, I did! 

Let it not ever be said that I lack faith

With pride, I walked those stairs

Glowing in white, my face like the sea

I remembered moments when I left myself

And walked off to gain clarity

I remember desperation forced humility on me.

I remember shame.

But nothing mattered anymore

I got my tree. 

June brought it's troubles

But I pressed on

The sun was here

And I look better in yellow than blue

In July, I reaquainted with a natural friend

We once shared thesame womb

At different times, but hey!

No one womb can hold us two anyway

But Dream held four in hers 

When they arrived, we simply hid

In August life got scary

Desperate and tired, I submitted to fate

But not without a fight

Never knew I could submit, fighting

But life's full of lessons

In this month, I met my new lead

September stumbled in like a clumsy nerd

It was half drunk on pride and fresh outta tricks

It did arrive, however

And when it did, I felt alive

Just me, my Dream and my Wake.

Everyone else found their own home

In October, fear caught up with me

Shit got real

Deadlines chased me to my daydreams

They left me no space to breathe

November proved worse

That bastard showed no mercy

I dropped a few balls

I got broke-n

I realized, no one woman is an island

I'll have to lean

Speaking of lean, my meats will have to be too

I'd gained 10 pounds

All in 2012

And in this very month, money took on a new meaning

December was a merciless goat

But hey! I made a deal

"Dear Decem, you let me live you through,

and I just might be willing to let you win".

The unforgiving bastard kept it's promise, and well, here I am

In this same month I'd redefine what friends are to me

And realize not to take what I wouldnt give.

And of course, what other month to learn this but the month of December.

December's always been a bit of a bitchy month

Maybe that's why I don't get along much with Sag's.

In January.

When I look back and realize

That 2012 was the year I had been dreaming of

I'd craved it for four years

They said the year was going to end

I didn't care

Zombie apocalypse? 

Hey, let it happen.

As long as I dont feel like I failed.

As long as I got my tree.

Me, Dream, Wake, my girls, and my tree.

And with that, I scratch that off my list.

2014, where art thou?!

I remain a true Aquarius; eyes always to the future.

60 seconds.

On his way to Jerusalem
He found a blessing
A blue flower with golden branches
He named it Beauty, lowered his head and smelt it.
60 seconds. He missed it.
He looked up to see the bus leaving.
He hailed it. It didn't wait.
But on the road to success, there is always a bus every 60 seconds.

On his way to Jerusalem, the heat beat his skin
The sand parched his throat, he had no water to drink
he sat in the rear seats thinking;
'I got me a branch of Beauty'
If nothing else, he had something
Got off the bus took the next bus
Head up high, proud as hell
Content he made it this far

He got off in Jerusalem
Said his prayers
He got here
All in one piece
His Beauty had withered
The heat drained the life out of it
The sand, caked the petals
His throat tightened
Sadness
Eyes welled
He wept.

But he never cried so hard
Never cursed so much
Till the moment he looked up and realized
Someone else had mounted that throne
Jerusalem. Taken over. Just 60 seconds before.

Toil.

Constructor. Builder. Farmer. Handy this woman is, and her mind. She secretly carves it. While truth demands her gave she works on. Ever hard! Ever fast! Ever working on. Tilling at that soil. Hoping for her crop. Digging. Sowing. Begging for the rain. But she'd know she had better not wait. She'd best pack up and head on in, shut the door and close her blinds. If only shed looked truth in the face, she may have found out that the rain was heading out for her, not that crop. It was never meant to grow. It was never hers to yield.

Total disregard.

Sometimes you love
So suddenly
It's immature
Absurd. Demeaning, it is, that thing called love. Rude too!

I am no pussy.

I am no kitty. 80 years life expectancy. Not divided, but chunked. One. Once. I am no pussy. I do not get the chance to say fuck it, I may have missed this hot one, but I'll ride the next one to ecstasy. I don't get to see my yesterday's. instead, I get revaluations. Pseudo redemptions and forgiveness of self and others. That's what I get. And this is alright, if all you have is a peep to hindsight. But with tomorrow in full view, blurry outlines and all, how dare I not ride this on? With no pays on my back and no wings to fly on, I'll remember that someone built the aeroplane and sometimes you have to make your own wings to fly. I am sorry, but your cane doesn't do mr. I am no puppy. I will not get another of these. I am sorry. I am too dark for your shadows where I would not glow. Let it be known that sink or soar, be that as it may, doing it was never enough see? I had to do it my way.