Tuesday, January 1, 2013

2012 and I

No whistles no bells, no fireworks, no hails
You walked in quietly
I wish you hadnt
That wasn't how we planned it
You promised to come out banging!
Honking, dancing with fireworks and stuff
You fall my hand
But it was a lesson. 
I know now, not to expect till delivery
But in January, I worked hard and sowed some seeds

On my birthday you dealt me one hell of a funky blow
Knocked me out totally
I swore I couldn't do this
Whatever it'll take. Whatever way I could, 
I knew you had to get going

February came slowly
Life became mundane
I quickly learnt to look forward to better days
Humbled by chances
Fresh out of pride
I took it, with no other choice but to

March came and I got some wind
That was a month of upheaval
Anger. Regret. Rage. 
Praise and regaining self love.
I wanted to kill a bitch
But jail scared me
I hear they have troubled women there
That shit humbled me quick
No worse place to be than in a jail cell
Locked up with rage itself
Besides, I got a hopeful mail
A new lease on career ;)
I figured I'd take this chance to get back to what I do best;
Daring myself.
I left a mess behind. 
September met my pink highlighter

April brought some fresh rain
The soil got some water
I smelled some roots
I knew flowers were coming my way in May
I cried and smiled and traveled to see the sun
After four years, I get a piece of tree
It'll say my name on it, and it'll claim that I did it

May-be I was silly to think I can
But believe, I did! 
Let it not ever be said that I lack faith
With pride, I walked those stairs
Glowing in white, my face like the sea
I remembered moments when I left myself
And walked off to gain clarity
I remember desperation forced humility on me.
I remember shame.
But nothing mattered anymore
I got my tree. 

June brought it's troubles
But I pressed on
The sun was here
And I look better in yellow than blue

In July, I reaquainted with a natural friend
We once shared thesame womb
At different times, but hey!
No one womb can hold us two anyway
But Dream held four in hers 
When they arrived, we simply hid

In August life got scary
Desperate and tired, I submitted to fate
But not without a fight
Never knew I could submit, fighting
But life's full of lessons
In this month, I met my new lead

September stumbled in like a clumsy nerd
It was half drunk on pride and fresh outta tricks
It did arrive, however
And when it did, I felt alive
Just me, my Dream and my Wake.
Everyone else found their own home

In October, fear caught up with me
Shit got real
Deadlines chased me to my daydreams
They left me no space to breathe

November proved worse
That bastard showed no mercy
I dropped a few balls
I got broke-n
I realized, no one woman is an island
I'll have to lean
Speaking of lean, my meats will have to be too
I'd gained 10 pounds
All in 2012
And in this very month, money took on a new meaning

December was a merciless goat
But hey! I made a deal
"Dear Decem, you let me live you through,
and I just might be willing to let you win".
The unforgiving bastard kept it's promise, and well, here I am
In this same month I'd redefine what friends are to me
And realize not to take what I wouldnt give.
And of course, what other month to learn this but the month of December.
December's always been a bit of a bitchy month
Maybe that's why I don't get along much with Sag's.

In January.
When I look back and realize
That 2012 was the year I had been dreaming of
I'd craved it for four years
They said the year was going to end
I didn't care
Zombie apocalypse? 
Hey, let it happen.
As long as I dont feel like I failed.
As long as I got my tree.
Me, Dream, Wake, my girls, and my tree.
And with that, I scratch that off my list.
2014, where art thou?!
I remain a true Aquarius; eyes always to the future.

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